life

I love being a public blogger and having an active Facebook page. I love interacting with all of you! However, I understand that it may come off like I’m perfect. It’s easy for me to hide the mess on social media. So, let me just get this off my chest…I AM NOT PERFECT. In fact, I am nowhere near perfect. Yes, I make delicious meals for my family and snap pictures of them for all of you to see. Yes, I snap pictures of me and my kids playing together. Yes, I profess my love for my husband. One big, happy family, huh?

I am not perfect…

I clean my house once a week. I mop once a month. My house is dirty and there is dog hair everywhere. There is dried snot on the couch from one of the kids wiping their nose on it and boogers on the wall next to my daughter’s bed. Let’s not even discuss my son’s high chair. I am not perfect.

I rarely fold my family’s clothes. I let it pile up over several weeks and, eventually, my husband folds them. I feel guilty watching him because that’s “my job” as a mother and wife.

I yell at my kids. I get frustrated and scream. My 4-year-old looks at me like I’m the devil. I feel so un-perfect.

I put the TV on in the morning so I can enjoy my morning coffee. I sit down on the couch to drink it and baby brother brings me a book. I set it down and tell him “later”. I want to be alone in my coffee. Then I look at him trying to read it by himself and I feel it again…GUILT. 

I drive-thru Chic-Fil-A, at least, once a week. ::GASP:: This is so not Paleo and I am such a bad mom for not having every, single meal planned out and perfected in health.

I set our family budget and then blow it. When I’m questioned about it I throw rapid fire because this is, once again, “my job” being questioned. “How dare you? Why don’t you try to make a budget and pay all the bills and then tell me how easy that is?!” I’m so defensive.

I have taken my kids to church just for the “free” childcare. This is so not perfect. God forgive me.

I let the kids run free in the house so that I can have “ME” time in the bathtub. When they ask to get in, I tell them it’s “mommy-time” and to let me have a few minutes by MYSELF. I get frustrated when they throw ponies and cars and choo-choos in the bathtub to get my attention.

I forget to feed my dogs some days.

I forget to feed myself.

I forget to feed my husband dinner when he get’s home from work late after the kids are already in bed. I’m sitting on the couch when he walks in…my “job” is over.

I forget to call my parents back.

I am too tired to have any kind of intimacy with my husband after “dealing” with my kids all day.

I need more “me-time”. I need more clothes. I need more fun with girlfriends. I need…I need…I need.

I need a life. I’m *just* a stay-at-home mom.

I feel overwhelmed with mommy guilt. I feel like a bad mom, a bad wife, a bad friend…a bad daughter.

But, you know what?

BUT I am enough…

I am enough for my kids. They don’t see the dirty floors. They won’t remember wearing clean or dirty clothes. They remember all the new places I took them in the mornings, instead of cleaning. I am enough. I clean enough.

I am not perfect. But I am more than enough for my kids. They adore me. They cling to me like hemorrhoids. They love me. They love me because I do read to them. And it’s ok for me to have my coffee in the morning, but it’s also ok for my son to sit on my lap while I drink my coffee. I am not perfect…but, boy, can I multi-task. I can drink my coffee, read a book, hold my son, and flip the pages without spilling my precious coffee. I am awesome.

I am enough for my family. I provide the healthiest food I can and I don’t always get it right. I fail…I fail A LOT. But, I am enough. They are healthy. I am healthy. We are blessed to have more than enough food at our fingertips. God is enough for us.

I am enough for my husband. I love him more than enough. I am defensive because I want to be perfect for him. I am jealous because I feel so un-perfect. But, my husband adores me. I am enough for him and he is enough for me.

I am enough for myself. I don’t have to live up to Pinterest. I don’t have to make cute napkins. I don’t have to have every holiday planned out with crafts and gifts and food and themes and new traditions. I am enough.

It’s not about me. It’s not about you.

YOU are enough. So, put down that mommy guilt and stop trying to live up to YOUR expectations. Being a mother is dirty…it’s gross…you catch vomit from your sick kids and poop from potty-training toddlers with your BARE hands. You cut 50 finger nails without cutting a one, and if you do, you know how to kiss it perfectly until the pain stops. You make cheap cake when you can’t afford to buy a “nice” one. You make forts out of pillows, fairy houses out of sticks. You decorate your walls with the writings of your kids…markings that remind you that these moments with them is short and fleeting. You know secret tickle spots and scars and dimples. You know how to tie your husbands tie and tie your little superhero’s cape. You can breastfeed your baby while walking through Target, pushing a cart, and trying on new clothes that may not fit like they used to. You can drive your car, hand your baby her binky, put on makeup, and sing songs with your kids ALL AT THE SAME TIME. You say words that heal…that smile…that bring a little bit more love into this changing world.

You make life happen!

You make everyday an adventure for your family. You are the glue.

You are beautiful to the bones. You are beautiful with your stretch marks, cellulite, and makeup-less face.

You make love happen.

YOU BIRTH LOVE and then feed it from your breasts.

You nurture. You nourish. You give the best and provide the best you can.

You pour out your life for your children. You kiss them perfectly and know how to sooth the deepest of pains.

You are spectacular.

You are enough.

You are more than enough.