The Paleo Mama

Homegrown and Handmade

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My Journey to Diamond in dōTERRA

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You all know how passionate I am about natural living, DIY recipes, and essential oils. I’ve been using essential oils for nearly 10 years, but it wasn’t till two years ago, that I found dōTERRA. I’ve pushed back writing this blog post for over a year now, because of various reasons and fears, but it’s about time I step out in boldness and share with you my journey to diamond in dōTERRA (I’m Blue Diamond). 

This month I saw a renewal fee in my monthly dōTERRA order and waves of emotions came over me. I sat there in my bed in the early morning, coffee in hand, rooster crowing outside, and tears flooded down my cheeks. The past two years of my life have been life-changing for me. 

Many of you know my story and how far I have come, but to keep my thoughts organized, I’ll be discussing these things: 

Why I Chose dōTERRA

Sources of Oils MAP

Like I said before, I’ve been an avid user of herbs and essential oils for many, many years. However, it wasn’t until that dōTERRA showed up on my radar that I truly understood the dire need for using essential oils that are not only very pure, but oils that have an impact of how and where they are sourced. 

The “International Sources of dōTERRA Essential Oils” map shows you the many places that dōTERRA is sourcing their beloved essential oils. Where a plant is grown has a major impact on it’s constitution, which then determines the potency of the plant. Additionally, harvesting the right part of the plant at the right time is a major determiner in the quality of an essential oil (1). 

This short video on dōTERRA’s impact they are making around the world with their sourcing methods, speaks volumes. 

Next, I loved their testing methods. dōTERRA has an internal testing standard that they labeled as “Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade”. You see, my skeptical brain has never believed in labels so it took me awhile to understand what this standard really meant.

Be aware, my friends, that just because something is labeled “therapeutic“, does not mean it’s the best purity or quality. There are many essential oils on the market that deem themselves as being “therapeutic-grade“, yet there quality is poor. While many companies promote their own therapeutic grade standard, one should be aware that there is no universally accepted independent body that certifies essential oils as therapeutic grade. 

dōTERRA’s mission is to have the purest oils on the planet so they created their own internal standard. They want to be able to test all the oils they are getting from all over the world and make sure they were indeed pure. Why in the world would dōTERRA source their oils all over the world and not just do what most other companies do and grow them in one spot and slap on a “therapeutic-grade” label? It’s cheaper to grow them all in one place, but dōTERRA is true to their mission of having the purest and most potent essential oils on the planet. 

After learning all this and then seeing their testing protocol, I must say, I was impressed. Here’s the 8 ways they test their oils: 

  • Organoleptic testing
  • Microbial testing
  • Gas chromatography
  • Mass spectrometry
  • Fourier Transform Infrared spectroscopy (FTIR)
  • Chirality testing
  • Isotopic analysis
  • Heavy metal testing (2) 

And none of this amazing information with dōTERRA would have mattered to me if I didn’t actually see a difference in my life while using them.

I purchased the cheapest starter kit (big mistake) and started incorporating them into my family’s life. I actually felt comfortable using this brand on my small children, on my body, and in my home. I saw, smelled, and felt a drastic difference using dōTERRA, instead of all the other brands I had in my pantry. In fact, I still have those “other” brands and will let people smell the difference between the different brands.

Why I was drawn to the business side of dōTERRA

I didn’t purchase my dōTERRA starter kit because I wanted to share or sell the oils. In fact I told my friend I enrolled with to just “leave me alone“…in much nicer words though. 

But after feeling such a difference using dōTERRA, I couldn’t stop talking about them. I even swapped out some old blog links on recipe posts using essential oils and added a link to my little “landing page” I made. 

And the next morning…I had quite a few enrollments! I had no idea what I was doing, nor did I even care how much money I had just made, but people were buying starter kits through me and HOLY COW, I better figure the “business part” of dōTERRA out. 

So, here’s the low-down on why dōTERRA has the absolute best compensation plan in the world because I know some of you really want to know. 

dōTERRA is on the left of the diagram and the direct sales company standard is on the right. 

earning chart

  • dōTERRA’s unilevel compensation plan is paid on seven levels (or more) of referrals. You can see the seven levels on the diagram I made. 
  • You receive a percentage of sales on each level.
  • The x3 is the average amount of people who are on that level and the average earnings you will make
  • The earnings grow the further down you grow
  • You earn the LEAST on the LEAST(people on a level) and the most where the most people will be on your levels. This is so true! The majority of my team is on my 4th-7th+ levels and I’m earning the most percentage of commission. 
  • Most companies reverse this percentage payout and pay you the MOST on the LEAST (people in your levels) and the LEAST on the most. Shame! 
  • This means, if reversed (like most direct-sales companies) that you would be making $20,000 less per month. 

Since most direct-sales companies pay you 7% on your first level and 2% on your 7th level, this does not encourage the desire to grow deep in your organization. You probably would want to keep everyone on your first level since you would be making the most on them. What kind of teamwork and growth does that encourage? None, in my opinion.

dōTERRA not only pays you through unilevel commission, but 5 other ways as well: fast start bonuses, power-of-3, retail, preferred membership, and leadership pools. Read more here for explanations and more details. I recommend anyone looking into creating an income with a direct sales company, to take a good look at their compensation plan and see it lines up with dōTERRAs. 

The MLM Challenge

The multi-level marketing companies of today are not the same of our parent’s generation. The ones that are legitimate are NOT a get-rich-quick scheme…it’s hard work! 

What I love about direct-sales and legitimate MLM’s is that you get to purchase a product from another person, often another mom like myself, rather than from a big store. It’s very similar to buying local and supporting your farmers…this time you are supporting your friends and family. 

I, personally, swore I would never be part of a MLM, but dōTERRA is so different and I love these oils and use them every, single day. I’m passionate about sharing them with the world around me. 

In just two years, I have been able to completely surpass my husband’s income, making well into six-figures, retire him and bring him home to be with me and the kids, and I’ve empowered many others to make better choices for their health and wellness. 

I would rather people tell me no, then to never share something that I believe in wholeheartedly. 

Financial Freedom and becoming debt-free 

My purpose in sharing about dōTERRA isn’t to get a yes, an enrollment, or hit a new rank. My primary goal in sharing about dōTERRA with others is to help them find natural solutions PERIOD. 

My purpose is to help others experience the abundance and financial-freedom that we experience everyday. We are living our dreams because we laid down a pipeline the past two years and stopped hauling all those heavy and frustrating corporate buckets. 

You are going to work hard in life…and if you have a dream, like we did, then you might as well work hard building your dream, instead of your bosses. 

When I started sharing dōTERRA (never selling) we were heavy in debt but working towards becoming debt-free following the Dave Ramsey method.  

In the early leadership ranks of silver and gold, I was able to help pay off a few thousand dollars a month to whatever debt, or bill, we were working on getting rid of. All my money from dōTERRA went to paying down debt. We were so adamant about getting the monkey of debt off our backs and determined to make it happen as soon as possible. 

We tore up bill-after-bill and when I hit the rank of diamond 8 months after I started sharing dōTERRA, we WERE DEBT FREE! 

At diamond, I started bring in an extra $15,000 a month and that was when my husband and I started talking about him coming home and working with me. We started dreaming again and then we started living our dreams! 

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You see — our dream was to live in the mountains and have a farm. We wanted to homeschool our kids and live a life of freedom. We wanted to travel the world and because of dōTERRA we have been to Jamaica for free and in January of 2016, we are headed to the Dominican Republic for free. 

My focus turned to leadership development within my dōTERRA team and training them to share from there hearts. I wanted this so bad for my team and for the people on my team who needed this financial freedom. 

Three months after hitting the rank of diamond, I was recognized for achieving the rank of blue diamond…one year after I purchased my wonderful starter kit and told my enroller to “leave me alone“. 

Then my dreams unfolded. We bought the house (errr…farm) of our dreams. My husband quit his busy corporate job. We worked less and were way happier! 

We put in about 20 hours each to our business these days and it’s wonderful. I have time to homeschool our kids, travel, and buy any farm animals that my heart desires. The best part? I give more and that is the most beautiful thing of all. 

The opportunity of dōTERRA for anyone

If you have a passion for serving others, and want to use your God-given talents and gifts, and believe that YOU ARE WORTH this, then you can do dōTERRA. 

You don’t have to be a doctor, an aromatherapist, or an expert sales person…the world has enough of those. The world needs people who are willing to put down their agenda and just sit down and listen. 

The world needs people who are leading with their heart and not their pocketbook. 

The world needs people who want to empower others to have the answers at their fingertips. 

Freedom comes when you decide to stop living someone else’s dream and decide to live your own dream. 

Do you dream of a rustic red barn, milking goats in the morning light, and making your own butter? I did…and I made it happen. 

Do you dream of staying home with your kids, your newborn? 

Or do you simply dream of living an abundant life where you can be a blessing to others? 

The world needs more people who are financially free. I make more money so I can give more money. I invest my money back into my children, my business, and into my future. 

I don’t want to end this post by saying, “sign up with me so I can change your life” because I can’t. The decision to change your situation is up to you and you don’t have to join dōTERRA to do that. However, dōTERRA is an incredible tool if you choose to be a part of it…and it’s not going anywhere. 

If you are interested in the opportunity of building a business with doTERRA, please email me at jackie@ritzessentials.com and I would LOVE to talk with you and help answer any questions you might have! 

Journey to Diamond

References:

  • https://www.doterra.com/en/ourProducts/sourcing/coImpact
  • https://www.doterra.com/en/ourProducts/sourcing/testing
  • https://www.joomag.com/magazine/mag/0599302001443815720?feature=archive
  • https://www.doterratools.com/documents/Compensation_Plan.pdf
  • https://www.doterratools.com/documents/2014_Opportunity_and_Earnings_Disclosure_Summary.pdf

The Decision to Stop at Two and MTHFR

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I’m not sure if every woman goes through this emotional struggle. As I look back over my blog the past year, I can sense how busy I must look and how unattached I have been. Sometimes it’s easier to pump out lots of information and be completely and emotionally detached. It’s been a year that has been filled with so much joy and peace…except in this one area…this one nagging question…should we try again for another baby?

You see, I always envisioned our family have three kids. Frank comes from a family of three children and so do I, so naturally, we always wanted three kids. And we tried…we could keep trying…but it’s tormenting. 

A year and a half ago I wrote a very emotional and raw blog post on my natural miscarriage. I said that I was done and and “100% positive that I cannot go through this again.” But the truth is, I did. 

Eight months ago we wanted to try for a third child. I wasn’t really ready, but it happened and I was pregnant. Then I wasn’t. And then all the emotions, anger, and the memories of my previous miscarriage all overcame me again. I was so mad at myself for letting myself get pregnant…and I questioned why my body ALWAYS got pregnant but just couldn’t keep the baby. 

After reading a book that my friend Emily from Holistic Squid gave me called, “Feed Your Fertility“, and I saw a little snippet in there about MTHFR gene mutation and miscarriage. It peaked my interest and I started reading more and more about this MTHFR stuff. 

The genetics home reference explains what the normal function of the MTHFR gene does…

The MTHFR gene provides instructions for making an enzyme called methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase. This enzyme plays a role in processing amino acids, the building blocks of proteins. Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase is important for a chemical reaction involving forms of the vitamin folate (also called vitamin B9). Specifically, this enzyme converts a molecule called 5,10-methylenetetrahydrofolate to a molecule called 5-methyltetrahydrofolate. This reaction is required for the multistep process that converts the amino acid homocysteine to another amino acid, methionine. The body uses methionine to make proteins and other important compounds.

There is a long list of the conditions of the MTHFR gene mutation and what they can cause, but the one that stood out to me was miscarriages. I wondered if my history of three miscarriages had anything to do with this MTHFR stuff. 

So, what does any woman with a strong intuition that something wasn’t right, do? Well, she gets to the root of what’s going on and I sent off to have my genetics tested through 23 and Me. Sure enough I have one of the most problematic mutations.

The two most problematic mutations that can occur are  C677T and A1298C.  The most common forms of MTHFR mutation are below:

  • Homozygous: the same gene passed on from both parents and occurs when both parents pass on the 677 mutation, or the 1298 mutation.
  • Heterozygous: one parent passed on the 677 mutation or the 1298 mutation but the other parent passed on a normal gene.
  • Compound Heterozygous: one parent passed on the 677 mutation and the other passed on the 1298 mutation.

I was found to be compound heterozygous, which means I have a 677 mutation and a 1298 mutation. The largest problem that women of childbearing age can have who carry a MTHFR mutation is that they do not properly break down folic acid, and they also have a very hard time detoxing from heavy metals. 

BAM.

Could I have found the reason for my miscarriages? Tears…peace. 

I took my findings to a specialized MTHFR doctor that was recommended off of MTHFR.net and have been seeing him for the last year. I have discovered lots of interesting things about my health. I was crucially low in my B vitamins…I mean crucially. I am VERY low in my folate…rightly so since my body doesn’t even process it correctly. I carry a chronic virus that tells my body to constantly fight. And here I was…I thought I was a healthy 34-year old woman. 

So, with the help of my MTHFR doctor, we have been addressing the issues of my health. But lately…and loudly… my emotions are taking hold of me and needing closure. 

I think I am one of those woman that will ALWAYS want another baby. As long as I can have kids, I want kids. 

The downside is, in this “want”, I have never been satisfied with the two amazing, beautiful children that I have. I want another one…but they should be enough for me. 

So through tears and frustration, we have decided that I can’t go through this all the time. I can’t go through the agony of a monthly period coming late and the hope that this “might” stick. 

I want to move on and be content with my children…the two children that have made me MOM. I don’t need anything more than what God has already given me. And the complete agony of “trying” is more than my body can take. 

11So, it’s done. I’m a mother of two delightful and precious children. Little Farm Girl is almost 7 years old and is quickly becoming my greatest friend. She’s sensitive to my emotions and always wants to please me. Little Farm Boy is 4 years old. His birth and life has been during the most difficult time of my life, but the past year we have felt a breath of fresh air…renewal…promise…and the ability to create joy within our lives. 

I couldn’t be happier. Will I always want another child? Probably. Have we thought about adoption. Absolutely. But I want to learn to be satisfied with the life that I am living right now and the two living blessings that need all of their mommy. 

I could die today and know that I have lived a full life. I know my miscarried babies will meet me in heaven. I, also, know that my husband and I are making the right decision. Is it hard? For sure. Do I long for another baby? I do…but I long more for contentment with the wonderful two children that I have. 

MTHFR Video: 

 

 

 

 

 

The Treasure in My Scars

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jackie T

We hide them behind clothes and I’m fines and thick makeup.

We hide them by biting our lips and looking the other way. 

By trying forget about them and pushing them deep down. 

Deep inside the pit that we don’t let anyone down in. 

We hide and cry and ask why we were given these ugly scars. 

 

But in the dark of the night we run our fingers over them. 

We remember the pain, 

the hurt,

the anguish that those scars bring us. 

We let those scars consume us and bring us even deeper into the night. 

 

We think things we shouldn’t because of those scars, 

We do things we shouldn’t because of those scars. 

They consume us. 

They make us believe that we will never heal. 

They make us believe no one will ever understand.

The pain.

The agony

The story deep inside those scars. 

 

I look at my deep, deep scar. 

How could I ever look at this hideous piece of flesh that used to be whole? 

How could anyone ever see me as whole again? 

 

How could I forget how ugly this world is? 

How could I forget that my best friend saw the ugliness of this world and it consumed her? 

That she took a revolver to end her pain? 

How could I forget that my life was ripped in shreds? 

Scattered and broken and left open. 

 

I look at my scars and they don’t tell me that I’m hurt anymore. 

I’m not sure when I saw the change take place. 

I’m not sure when the scars became beautiful to me. 

I’m not sure when it was that I started to look at them and smile.

 

My scars don’t tell me that something hurt me. 

They tell me that something healed me. 

That God heals. 

 

Others look at my scars and they don’t see the grotesque and raw story behind them.

They see hope.

They see a truth behind them.  

My scars are my lighthouse. 

The treasure that my scars hold is beyond me. 

I’m just another tired, exhausted, messed up woman who wears them and has chosen to not hide them anymore. 

 

I lost myself in the darkness somehow.

But chose to not stay there. 

I chose to find the treasure in my scars. 

Treasure in My Scars

 

 

 

The Paleo Mama Family is Hitting the Road!

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The last 4 years of farming and homesteading have been the best years of our life as a growing family. We have learned so much about God’s gorgeous creation; how to milk cows and goats, how to butcher our own animals, how to sheer sheep, how to harvest honey, and we’ve harvested the bounty of our hard work.

But we do believe there is a new adventure in our future. My husband and I know, all too well, how short, delicate and precious life is. We’ve loved and lost quite a few family members and friends over the 10 years that we have been married.

Our oldest child turns 9 this next year and in January we realized how she is already half way through her childhood with us. It brought me tears to think that my investment into her life at the most crucial moments, is almost halfway over. 

Since January we have felt a tugging on our heart. We didn’t know what it was at first, but the next step has become clear to us.

I knew God wanted me to go back to homeschooling for so many reasons, but mostly because I want to be with my kids and I miss them when they are away from me! I, also, knew I needed more freedom in our schedule and going back to homeschooling made sense for me. So, after months of praying about it, weighing pros and cons, I decided to homeschool again. However, this time I promised to be more flexible in our schedules and not follow a stringent curriculum. In fact, this time, we won’t be using any curriculum. More on that in a bit! 

This weekend was another big leap of faith. I, purposely, am over simplifying it because it was hard. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want anyone else’s opinions to jar mine. My husband and I just did what we were supposed to do. We sold most of our livestock and animals, including our precious Livestock Guardian dogs, Esme and Everest, some of our pigs, half of our chickens, all our ducks, most of our 17 turkeys, and most of our rabbits. We started the purging process so we can take the big jump into our next dream. 

I felt peace letting them go, knowing they did what they were meant to do: they taught me patience. They helped shape my children into the farm kids that they are: independent, confident, and sustainable little human beings. 

We are 100% confident of our next step. We don’t see the one after that step but we know that we want to dedicate one whole year (or more) to traveling and seeing America and the world!

We are buying an RV and starting our tour of America in Dec/Jan!!!! We want to show our children the world, world-school them (letting the world be our curriculum), and grow our doTERRA team. We have some International trips in mind, as well, and we feel what better time than the beautiful gift of the present. 

We love our animals and they have become our family so this process has been difficult but the assurance of knowing you are in Gods plan makes things a little more easy. So we trust and we move on and we believe and we hope for a bright and beautiful year together as a full-time family. 

Our farm isn’t going anywhere right now…just the animals. They deserve loving homes that will care and appreciate them. Plus we need a home base for when the road gets rough!

What better time to go for the next dream then right now?! We don’t believe in just being complacent or satisfied with our life. We want complete joy and adventure and have the chance to create a life we absolutely love!

So….the adventure awaits and we move forward. The next 6 months will be a time of purging, preparing, planning and then going! We are giddy excited for this next season. We will always be farmers, but now we get to plant seeds of hope, adventure, and education in our children and in the thousands of people in our doTERRA tribe.

Peace, love and WANDERLUST!

Jackie

5 Reasons Why I Put My Child in Public School…and Regretted It.

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If you’re expecting some extreme circumstance that led to my decision to pull my little farm girl from public school and homeschool, then you are going to be unhappy. Sometimes decisions are made, not on impulse or out of anger, but because we simply decided to listen to something that all mothers possess…our mommy gut.

My mommy gut has been screaming at me for years to homeschool my children but when the time came in August to enroll her in public school, I found myself, reluctantly, at the open house and shaking hands with her extremely nice and lovable Kindergarten teacher.

This post isn’t about bashing the public school system. I loved my daughter’s Kindergarten teachers and so did my daughter. This post is about some things that we might all have in common. I love teachers and I think they do an amazing job at nurturing our children the best that they can. However, I’m better at nurturing my children then they are…because I’m their mommy.

Today is my daughter’s last day in public school. Here’s a short list of things that helped us come to this decision.

5 Reasons Why I Put My Child in Public School…and Regretted It:

1) I Was Too Busy

I’m always too busy. Too busy for this and too busy for that and no time for anything extra. And let’s face it, homeschool is EXTRA. I made excuses how I couldn’t do it and there was no free time in my schedule. Granted, I was VERY busy at the beginning of the year but my daughter should have come first.

2) I Couldn’t Do It: 

The responsibility of educating my child was going to be in my hands??? No way jose’! I doubted myself, my abilities to be able to give her ALL she needs and I took no responsibility. I didn’t want it. It’s much easier to pass this off to a actual, real “teacher” instead of owning up to it myself.

3) It’s “Just” Kindergarten: 

She’s gonna go play half the day and make friends. There’s no real learning in Kindergarten…right? I can brush this year off and start to really focus on what we want to do in first grade.

4) I’ll Have No “Me” Time

Sometimes this girl drives me crazy and I think we would be better if we had a little space. She goes to school and then comes home to me and that time away will be just what we need. Mommy needs time to herself and time away makes me appreciate them so much more.

5) She Needs Friends

Little Farm Girl is one of the most lovable, sociable girls I have ever met. She has the personality of her father…a social butterfly that thrives on being around people. I can’t take this from her and keep her home. I need to allow her to have her time with her friends.

SHUT UP Jackie!

Seriously, I’m killing myself with all these negative talks I have going on in my brain. I go back-and-forth and I’m, constantly, overcoming my own personal doubts. But one thing I have learned about myself over the last few years is: 1) never let doubt make a decision. 2) Never say never. 3) If your heart is speaking it, JUST DO IT.

You see I feel so relieved to have overcome those 5 reasons! I, literally, BROKE each one and overcame the doubt that I would not be able to do this.

I made a plan and I am going to make this work! 

5 Reasons Why I CAN Homeschool:

1) I Am Busy, but Never Too Busy

My kids come first. Their education is very important to me. I am so blessed to be able to work from home. I’m even more blessed that my income is retiring my husband very soon! So, yes, I am busy right now, but I have time for my little Farm Girl. Time is something that is coming and going so fast. I am, literally, watching my children grow up before my own eyes. THIS is the perfect opportunity to savor their lives and learn together. I am so excited about this opportunity to homeschool them! And you know what? When I add my kids education to my plate, I take something off that is not fulfilling me. Easy peasy!

New Homeschooling Mom Suggestion: Get over yourself and hire someone to clean your house OR download this awesome app that helps you keep up with daily cleaning tasks!

2) I TOTALLY Can Do This! 

I am smart. I am productive. I am creative. I can teach my children about life and the world around them. I have the resources at my fingertips!

We appreciate a literature-based approach to education. In fact, the more I was learning and researching about Common Core Standards (which are the standards that are the foundation to most public schools), the more I was worried about what they were learning. I wanted my child to be an individual. In my opinion, Common Core is the widget approach to education. With the right processes and production standards, they can manufacture students the same way they manufacture products. Like any successful industry, efficiency and consistent outcomes are the name of the game. Apply that model to education, and Common Core makes sense to them.

The problem is, my child is not a widget, and education is not designed to produce economic automatons.

Great video on Common Core:

So, we ordered Sonlight curriculum. I needed something to really help me get moving this first year. Something that was SPELLED out for me. I needed organization and a schedule and something just TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I love the Charlotte Mason approach and I plan on implementing that into our education, as well. But this first year, as I get my feet wet, we will be using the Sonlight curriculum.

3) It’s More than JUST Kindergarten

It’s a foundation. It’s showing her the world around her. It’s experiencing things together. It’s about learning together. Her teacher last week told us that she had already “passed” Kindergarten in her first month of being in school. Well, what the heck is she gonna do the rest of the year? Now, I can meet her where she is at. If she moves on to first grade reading by Christmas, then so be it. If we have to repeat math next year, then so be it!

I GET TO TEACH MY DAUGHTER TO READ and that is an amazing thing! The ability to read is something she will use every, single day for the rest of her life and I get to teach that to her!

4) It’s NOT About Me

Who cares if I have no “me” time. I had kids and they are more important than me. Plus, I can make time for myself when I need it (hello YMCA…I’m hear to “work out” for 2 hours)…hehe, just kidding (not really).

Why does my “me” time need to be alone. My “me” time will turn into WE time and we can discover the world together. We can get haircuts and pedicures together DURING SCHOOL HOURS (gasp!) and we can go to the nearby waterfalls and sit and read. There’s so much to do and I’m not worried about myself anymore. I’m worried about her.

5) She Will Have So Many Friends

She already has her first homeschool art function today at a nearby art museum! I’m picking her up at lunchtime and we are going right there! She didn’t even want to go to her last day of public school today because she is so ready to get out of the classroom.

I signed up for local homeschool association. OMG there is so much stuff to do. Probably more than I’ll be able to do with my kids. Also, she will have some enrichment classes at a local Montessori school! I was so happy to be able to give her this! I love Montessori and there is a local school that has a Kindergarten curriculum.

I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS…and you know what, YOU CAN TOO!

5 Reasons I Put My Child in Public School and Regretted It

My Natural Miscarriage

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Misty sunrise over the field

DISCLAIMER: This story is about miscarriage and what my body went through. Read at your own discretion. 

Some of you knew that I was carrying our 3rd child. But what some of you probably do not know is that I miscarried our 3rd child in late June. I haven’t talked about it much. It just happened and I tried to move on.

Now I’m ready to talk about it and I want to share my story for a few reasons.

One, it’s part of my healing process…I am ready to open up about it and I know this will be very therapeutic to me.

Two, I want to share what a natural miscarriage is like in the comfort of your own home.

Three, this life I carried is worth talking about…even if I only carried him/her for 13 weeks.

Four, more women need to talk about miscarriage. It’s very taboo, yet it happens to to many.

The Story

I was at 13 weeks and things felt like they were going great. I had my energy back. I wasn’t sleeping all the time. I was able to catch up on work that I had put behind me. And I was finally back to my normal pre-pregnancy self! I celebrated getting over the hump of the first trimester with my husband and the relief that every woman seems to feel when they move past that 12 week hump.

Then one afternoon I had some spotting. It wasn’t a lot and it wasn’t enough to worry me. I knew spotting during pregnancy was normal. I had carried 2 other babies full term. But it kept happening. Not a lot of blood, just a little.

I finally told my husband as we were doing the evening chores. He showed concern…which then made feel feel more concerned. He told me I should call my midwife and just talk it over with her. It was a Friday night.

My midwife told me that spotting was completely normal but if I had any concern that I could have it looked at. It was Friday night so the only thing I could do was go to the ER or wait to come in to her office on Monday morning.

My husband and I decided that we didn’t want to wait till Monday so we went into the ER…with both our kids in tow because we couldn’t find anyone to watch them.

They took me back and told my husband that he wouldn’t be able to be with me because he had our 2 kids with him. I was super pissed about this but was strong and said it would be alright. Up until this point I didn’t have any cramping, but then I started to feel a dull pain in my lower back. That was when it finally hit me that a miscarriage was probably inevitable. With both my children, I had back labor, so I recognized this pain.

I was rolled into the ultrasound technician’s room and she placed the cold doppler on my small pregnant bump. For about 5 minutes she pushed buttons, took measurements, but DIDN’T SAY A  THING TO ME. I was irritated and asked her if everything was alright. She said she had to go grab a doctor. My heart sank.

A doctor came back in with her, they both looked at the screen, and then they both walked out. I layed there on the hospital bed wanting it all to be over.I wanted them to tell me the baby was gone and be done with it. Why was this whole process taking so long?

The ultrasound technician came back in and STILL did not look or talk to me. I said, “Excuse me, ma’am, could you please tell me what’s going on?” She FINALLY looked at me and said, “I’m not supposed to say anything.” Then I simply said, “Is the baby gone?” And she nodded her head yes.

I laid on that hospital bed in a daze. It seemed like 10 minutes before anyone came and got me and rolled me back to my room. I actually felt very emotionless. I felt numb. I felt betrayed, once again, by my body.

The ER doctor came in to give me my results…which he didn’t know I already had. I think she was expecting me to break down and cry and hold my hand and was surprised when I said, “Can I please go home now?” She wanted to talk about a DNC and I said no. I wanted my body to release the baby naturally.

I went home that Friday night with my husband and my 2 kids and another broken heart. I had a miscarriage before but it was early on. I was nearly in my second trimester this time. So, I tried to move on with my weekend and just let my body do it’s job.

Saturday came. Nothing. Sunday came…nothing. Monday came…nothing. The waiting was torture.

Then Tuesday night I was outside helping with the farm chores in our pasture and I felt a sharp pain in my lower abdomen and then felt something slip out of me. I looked up at my husband and told him that it was beginning. The cramping was intense and I could barely stand up straight and walk inside to sit on the toilet. Once I got inside and sat down on the toilet I saw our baby.

I could see our babies eyes forming. I saw the feet and the toes. I saw five tiny fingers and from my best judgement our baby was a little boy. I sat on the toilet and I finally cried. I held our baby and couldn’t stop staring at him. The contractions I was having were very painful and it felt good to cry through them while holding my baby. He was worth it.

I set him down on the counter and tried to get up so I could go get my husband. He came in and I showed him our baby. We both held each other and kissed our baby goodbye. I asked my husband to bury him under my favorite maple tree, and so he did.

My husband came back in and was with me EVERY second. I felt a gush of water flow down my legs and knew that was the water breaking. I sat down on the toilet for what seemed like an hour after this. The contractions and pain were so hard and the next 24 hours were very much like birth. I bled a lot and had huge clots that I passed. I thought I had passed the placenta with the water that broke but I was wrong. I’m not sure what I was birthing, but I was grateful my husband was holding my hand through it all.

My back was on fire and at some point it slowed down and my husband helped clean me up and put me in bed. He applied my essential oils to my body. A soothing blend on my back pain, white fir and lavender on my abdomen and clary sage over my abdomen as well. Thankfully, I slept pretty good that night but the next morning was another day of intense contractions and lots of bleeding. The contractions and the cramping went on for 2 days. The bleeding slowed down after about 24 hours. I still was passing clots and I was unsure how long this was going to last. It was Tuesday when this started and on Thursday I felt things slowing down.

Then a huge contraction came. I got up and told my husband I feel like pushing. He directed me to the toilet and I sat down and pushed. The placenta (which was the size of my hand) shot out of me and I felt so relieved. I told my husband I just delivered the placenta and he went in to make sure that was what it was. He showed it to me and I cried as I looked at it…the organ that nourished my baby for 13 weeks was now out of my body. He asked if I wanted to keep it and I told him to bury it with our baby.

From the moment the placenta came out, my body felt 100 times better. The emotional torture of the whole process was worth it.  I got to hold my baby, say goodbye and bury him.

It’s been over 2 months since I said goodbye to my 4th, and final, baby. We tried for a third and I am 100% positive that I cannot go through this again. I was so grateful that I let my body naturally miscarry and that I didn’t opt for a DNC. I was so grateful that I was at home…even though it was not the home birth I was hoping for.

Sometimes in tragedy we find our life’s purpose…

And I have. My purpose and vision is for other women going through tragedy’s, such as mine, to find refuge and security from the storm. My purpose is to cry with them, love on them, encourage them…never show judgment…always love, always grace.

My heart goes out to all of you who have been down this road before. I pray that mercy washes over you and you find peace.

 

Jackie xoxo