If you’ve been around my blog for a little bit of time, you may have realized that I don’t mind sharing my imperfections. I list them out on my post called, “I Am Not Perfect but I Am Enough” with transparency and honestly. Why not? I know we are all imperfect and I don’t try to live up to some fantasy housewife who has it all put together.
So, when it comes to eating Paleo, you should know that I am NOT perfectly Paleo. I know, I know…how can I call myself “The Paleo Mama” if I am not even 100% Paleo?
There are so many reasons why I cannot and never will be 100% Paleo. Before I go on to list them, let me disclose to you that this is just how it works for my family. I don’t encourage naughty Paleo behavior :). However, in all things: balance.
For my family, we are “80/20 lean“. I buy all Paleo foods and we eat almost 100% Paleo at home; so we allow our eating out and being out to fulfill the 20% of our foods that aren’t Paleo.
Why We Are 20% “Not-So-Paleo“:
1. This is the most important reason and the one I want you all to remember, so I am putting it on the top. Life is TOO short to stress, CONSTANTLY, about food. I think it’s important to know why you are eating Paleo and what “bad food” does to your body. I think it’s important to eat real, unprocessed foods most of the time. Paleo is NOT A DIET. It is a guideline that you follow, not a diet for fast results. Results will come with diligence and when Paleo becomes a lifestyle to live by.
2. I realize that I will never have 100% control over my children and my husband’s food choices. What I can do is provide healthy options and encourage healthy choices. I respect my kids as a person and if they gag when eating cauliflower rice, then I’ll allow regular rice (just an example).
When we teach our children good habits, we want them to choose to do something because they want to and because they know it’s right. An example of this is if your child picks up a glass vase of yours and you say to him, “Put that down right now.” He looks at you and says, “You have to come get it from me.” What do you say at that point? My response would be, “I’m not going to come get it from you and I’m not chasing you. I want you to put that down because you choose to and you want to do what’s right.”
3. Paleo beer does not exist. I tried to get my husband to drink hard cider, but he ain’t havin it.
4. Three words: Chic-Fil-A. Chi-Fil-A is my survival fast-food restaurant. Sometimes we are out-and-about and just cannot make it home for lunch or forgot to pack a lunch. So, I get my kids the grilled chicken nuggets with a applesauce.
5. Two words: Ice cream. There is this awesome place near us that makes the most unbelievable ice cream. So, we splurge once every few weeks and share an ice cream together.
6. One word: Pizza. I cannot turn down a piece of NY style pizza. It is my weakness. I don’t eat pizza everyday. I have even stopped eating pizza once a week. However, I fully accept the repercussions of my pizza-eating actions that bring me a few uncomfortable hours of gas pain followed by a few trips to the bathroom. I accept it. I know it’s coming. And for me…unfortunately, it’s still worth it!
7. In social functions I do my best to provide a Paleo-friendly side (without announcing the Paleo label) and I encourage my kids to eat it. However, I don’t limit them, constantly, to just Paleo food. I monitor what they are eating and how much they are eating. I allow room for cake at birthday parties…especially if it is homemade cake!
8. THIS IS NOT A DIET! This is a lifestyle and for it to be long-term, you have to allow “indulgences”. They keep you balanced.
9. I love some of my childhood foods so much that when my mom calls me up and tells me she has made lasagna, I’m headed right over! I’m not gonna tell my mama no!
10. Paleo does NOT define who I am. I am more than what I eat. I do not live by a “Paleo Bible”. In fact, there are so many gray foods in Paleo…I’ve decided to stop questioning these “gray” areas so much. Do I eat sweet potatoes? Yes. Do I eat quinoa on occasion? Yes. Do I eat rice sometimes? Yes. Do I eat WHITE potatoes? Sometimes. ::GASP::!!!
11. There is no substitute for cheese. Trust me, I’ve tried them and they are not good. I like cheese on my chili PERIOD.
12. When I eat out, I may try something that is not Paleo. I try to choose healthy, Paleo options when I eat out, but if there isn’t something that is 100% Paleo, I don’t stress.
I want you to know, I don’t advocate any of these reasons. I encourage you to do the best that you can and to feed your family the best that you can. Paleo is MUCH different when you are trying to cook for a whole family. You really do need to leave yourself a little room for grace though, and realize that any step towards eating Paleo is better than what you were before!
We think of this little 20% as TREATS for our kids. We also have a reward system set up so that they EARN these non-Paleo indulgences!
Couldn’t agree more. It’s your life, live it. I say I’m about 85% Paleo and it’s that 15% that help me stick. I like frozen yogurt, cheese and the occasional bowl of granola. I also agree that it has to be worth it, considering the time that will be spent getting rid of it!
True!!! We are 80% as a whole family. Personally, I am more near 85/90%. I think even 50% is awesome and a step towards good health!
What you are doing is very reasonable. IMO 1% paleo is better than 0% paleo. Shoot, just KNOWING what paleo is can be a HUGE deal for someone… It is the first step!
That’s why I don’t label a lot of things as “Paleo”!!!
This is awesome. Very inspirational. I definitely think this is a reasonable way to go about things. We haven’t started our Paleo journey yet,but we are on our way! I really appreciate transparent posts. And your before and after pictures are great!!
Thank you Brie!
This post not only made me laugh but screamed at me that it’s OK to relax about this Paleo lifestyle ONCE IN A WHILE, or, that I can go out to dinner and not ruin my last 6 weeks doing this. I needed the adjustment period, but I need to live, too. So, thank you for easing my stress about that in a funny, practical way.
You are welcome!
Great stuff, Paleo Mama! This is the reality of living life (and having a family) and it’s wonderful that you choose to disclose it (with photos even!) I’m forwarding your article to friends who think they “can’t do this” because they are not 100% – which is phooey. LOVE IT! Thank you for sharing!
NY style pizza is your weakness? Chicago/deep dish is mine. 🙂 And Dairy Queen…I know.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this post! It drives me nuts when my non-Paleo friends (and relatives) look at me and ask “Is that Paleo?”in as snotty of a voice as possible. My usual response tends to be “Is it any of your business?”
Life is too short to stress constantly about food. Or as I like to say, “Stressing out about eating healthy defeats the purpose!”
Last quote is so true!!! Completely defeats the purpose!
hi there! you wrote whats in my mind! thanks for that! im in the process of slowly changing our lifestyle, of course starting with me. and there are so many, many as in many information to read still! im also considering of doing the paleo lifestyle, thats why i stumbled on your site and like you, i dont want to go to a restaurant and stress when they dont have paleo food! haha!
thanks for sharing the imperfections as well, it makes me feel you are not superwoman 😉
cheers to good health!
Balance is key. Thanks for the post! 🙂
I so needed to see this post today! Thank you! Balance I think is the ultimate goal for life, lol. I find that the longer I go the less “worth it” pizza is for me personally. But with little ones in the real world it was causing me LOTS of stress for Paleo Perfection! Once I relaxed a little life has been better, healthier, and more enjoyable!
Thanks for the post. I try to have at home clean healthy options for my sons (11 and 9) – my hubby is on his own 🙂 But here’s a few questions if any of you could help me out:
1) my boys earn their own money and one in particular many times chooses to spend on candy – he is a sugar-aholic. I limit sugar at home tremendously I don’t by that crap. But he always seems to have a bag of candy that he gets at school or from friends. How can you limit (eliminate would be my choice) his candy consumption when he is using his own money? Should I tell him he can’t use it to buy junk? seems odd. He knows full well how I feel about it and how bad it is for his body. I want him to choose for himself!
2) this same son once went three days without barely eating because he did not like what I had to offer. He truly is addicted to carbs! 🙁 He is very picky and anxious to try new foods. HELP!?
Thanks!
🙂
I don’t have any tips as my son is 8 but it frustrates me how when he is out at a birthday party he will make bad eating choices like drinking every kind of soda he can. He will never try a food though I put it on his plate. We’ve had battles about it before and it’s frustrating because I feel like its behavior of a toddler. But I’ve kind of given up and sometimes offer the veggies and sometimes don’t. Sorry I can’t help but I can commiserate. 🙂
Can I say I LOVE YOU! Right from the beginning, when folks called me ‘Paleo” I knew that I would give the wrong message if we were to pick up that moniker. It’s helpful in a way because at home I’m pretty strict. But even as homeschoolers my kids are everywhere, at playgroups, co op classes, meet ups at the playground, theater rehearsal and NANA’S HOUSE!! I realized that if I’m strict at home without exceptions, I don’t go so crazy when they’re gone. As for me, once I got I have to eat 2 Chipotle tacos with rice and black beans. I throw away the flour tortilla because wheat makes me sick now, but I do dig in and I ain’t giving up my Chipotle for no caveman anywhere, LOL!
Great post, thank you.
I LOVE this so much. You put words to by thoughts. I’ve been slacking on paleo lately because of the stress. I have a energetic toddler and a colicky baby and sometimes grabbing something not so paleo to put on the dinner table is necessary for sanity.
Besides potatoes, which I love, are CHEAP and we are in a tight budget!
My husband and I had a date night that was much needed and far too long since last happening the other night. We headed out in the afternoon and stopped somewhere where they were serving only brunch. I had already eaten eggs and so had the one non egg thing available…lamb curry over rice (with peanut). I LOVED it. We then went to a concert and I had a larabar to tide me over but after we went to one of Portland’s amazing food carts and got hand made fries with spicy peanut butter and jelly drizzled on top (oh and cheese curds). We sat at a picnic table and the people across from us were talking about eating paleo. I decided to keep my mouth shut. I am fully paleo 99% of the time and only occasionally indulge in rice or white potato….usually only if eating out. But when I do this I do not feel guilty at all! I will never eat gluten. Funny how worked up people get about how other people eat. A friend of mine has such a hard time believing that I don’t eat any prepackaged/processed foods…but for me paleo has become second nature and I don’t miss anything or feel the need for anything. Everyone has their own perspective but live and let live!!
This is why I love you and your blog—-it reaffirms that the things that we do right far out weigh what we indulge in—thanks!!
Here’s the truth. If I was healthy and not someone with autoimmune disease, I would totally be 80/20, so I support you in this. In fact, I’m jealous, and wrote a post about this recently. Anyone who has to be 100% paleo will relate: https://www.phoenixhelix.com/2013/05/13/i-wish-i-could-be-primal/
P.S. I love #2. Anytime we relinquish trying to control others, we gain some peace. I’ve done that with my husband, reminding myself he’s a grown man who can make his own choices and is blessed with good health, so more power to him.
“THIS IS NOT A DIET! This is a lifestyle and for it to be long-term, you have to allow “indulgences”. They keep you balanced.”
Love it!!! Thank you for writing a great article!
I think we could be twins. This is the same way we handle food. Except the ice cream part, switch that for a candy bar and I could have written this post.
IMO, 80/20 is perfect.
Good read..just about to start going Paleo. Thank you for sharing.:)
I am soo happy you are human.. gosh.. I find myself enjoying your posts, so much.. I love knowing your human and its okay to go outside the box.. I kept feeling I am a failure because I don’t eat 100% and like you I too have pizza and pay for it.. or a cupcake… but for the 90% of food in my home its organic, and free as free as i can get of gmos’ and toxin.. I wish my family was on board all the time, but they are not, I can only lead by example.. as you are with your family. thank you.. so much for your blog..
oh, and i would love to know where to eat out, to socialize under paleo.. I have not found but one resturant that possible can call somewhat paleo.. and that Chipotle, and thats if it is..We need to be able to socialize, and not hide in the house all the time too.. I believe it is a life style not a diet.. and it you watching what you eat, what is in the product, and what its made out of, I don’t feel its bad if you have some cheese from time to time.. as long as it is real.. not fat free or low fat.. or milk as long as its organic.. or creamer in your coffee.. watching ingredients thats also how i feed my picky eaters, if they want snacks.. i make sure it real as close as i can.. its work.. somedays alot of work.. but i know we are doing the right thing.. your doing an awesome job.. thanks for the posts so much.
Love Love Love!
Truly enjoy your blog!
Great post. Have me wondering what it all is. Your before and after photo is very inspirational.
This is such an awesome post!! I have been about 50-70% Paleo for a bit now. When I got pregnant in January I was so sick that saltine crackers were my best friend. We do what we need to for our own bodies and I love all the reason why your family is only 80% Paleo. This is my first child so I hope to bring him up with the same things and ways that you listed. Thanks for sharing!!
I say, ‘don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good.’ No one is perfect ALL of the time, it’s the MOST of the time that counts.
I really, really wish this type of approach worked for me. I find that I have to stay 100% Paleo, or I’m binging on pizza, baked goods, ice cream, etc… There is no “balance.” Wish I didn’t have so many food addictions!
I understand that. Food addictions, allergies, reactions…a whole different approach.
Girl, I am feelin’ you with the cheese on the chili. It’s a must so I just use Kerrygold cheddar these days.
YES!! That is what we use!!!
I absolutely adore your honesty and realism… thank you!
I don’t know how Paleo it it but you could try Omission beer. It is made from Sorghum and is gluten free with not HCFS. I was actually surprised in how good it was.
I’ve never tried it!
Thank you for putting this out there and giving voice to what I know others are thinking and feeling.
I came across your page on FB a while ago and just started ‘following’ you this week. This post made me LOVE you!! 😉
Thank you for the real-ness.
Thank you for writing this. I’ve only recently tried going Paleo (going on 4 months) — I wanted to be sure it was “do-able” before I tried to spring it on my family. (4 sons: 9, 11, 11, 14 & hubby) They’ve been along for the ride for 2 months now. I’d decided I was not going to freak out about food outside of the home — when they are away from me — crazy mornings don’t always allow for 6 packed lunches. I’ve felt really guilty for not being able to stick to this 100% and for not being able to get my sweet husband to be as committed. lol. Thanks for encouraging grace. I feel like giving myself grace is going to make this a lifestyle and I thank you for that MUCH needed encouragement!
You are awesome. You are an inspiration. Keep doing what you do. I love reading your blog and following you on G+.
Thank you so much Akansha!
Wow, thank you so much for this post! I completely agree with the 80/20 lean and I think it is important to have avalanche and treat yourself once in a while. I even wrote a whole article on my blog about how I agree with having treats once in a while.
I am so glad I found a paleo blogger who agrees by living a balanced lifestyle, not super strict paleo 24/7 and telling others that they should be doing that as well, and also forcing it upon their families and never allowing them non paleo foods. When I try to restrict myself so much from “bad” foods, I crave them even more and get a angry. Me and my family buy everything gluten free, a majority paleo, but if we want to go out and get pints of Ben and Jerry ice cream while we are on vacation, you better bet that we do 😉
I appreciated this post so much! I am considering moving to a more real food, paleo food plan for me and my family. Love seeing your results and knowing you have a balanced approach to it. I have been debating how to start – completely revamping what we eat or going about it slowly. I think the best for my family will be to try some new recipes once or twice a week and move into it slowly. Thank you!
I know you wrote this post ages ago, but I still wanted to comment. I appreciate you sharing this. I think so many people yo yo diet and become VERY unhealthy as a result when they are so restrictive. Ideally we’d all just say no to all junk all the time, but for the long haul that can be difficult. If we give ourselves permission to have the occasional indulgence we will feel less deprived, more in control, and able to sustain the lifestyle. I especially agree with eating out or being at Grandma’s house. Sometimes you just don’t want to have to stress and freak out in social situations and you just want to be able to relax a little and go with the flow. I apply this same basic principle to many other things, like screen time for my kids. At grandma’s house they watch all day and I don’t say a word. At home, I just say no. Thanks again for sharing!
Hi, I found your page when searching for a paleo cake mix. My Beastie is on the paleo meal plan with her husband and kids. I really need to eat more healthy and lose weight, for my health. I suffer from Small Fiber Peripheral Neuropathy. I take an enormous amount of medicine but I have tried to go without it and the pain is just way too much. I was wondering whats the best way to switching over and starting the paleo 80/20 plan. Did you just slowly start adding and replacing your food? Its just me and my hubby most of the time, but I have been looking at some of the items that you do eat and have noticed they are pretty pricey where I live like a small bottle of coconut oil is $10.00, and a very small bag of almond or coconut flour is also $10.00. We do live close to a larger city DesMoines iowa where we have a trader joes and whole foods which I can visit. Have you found that your food budget had to increase being paleo? Thanks for your great web site.
See if this earlier blog helps you create a manageable budget: https://thepaleomama.com/2013/03/weeks-worth-of-local-groceries-my-budget/
YES! We eat Paleo(ish) but are big believers in moderation. I think its highly appropriate to teach your children balance. It can be so unhealthy to be so fixated on food that you never allow yourself to enjoy it. I love cooking, trying new kinds of food, and eating out, so yes, occasionally we eat non -Paleo items. I never refuse food at a friend’s house, for example. But the bulk of our meals and our lifestyle of course follows the Paleo parameters. It has to be sustainable to be a lifestyle.
Oh my gosh! You summed this up for me so perfectly! I have struggled with not doing this right all the time, esp weekends with the summer bbq’s and family birthdays etc. I have stressed and struggled and this put a new perspective on it for me. I love the 80/20 rule. During the week I am good and just do the best I can on the weekends…Thank you!!!
I’m so glad that I found this. I am new to this, and I have a hard time with an “all or nothing” mentality. I think that moderation is key in preventing failure.
I love the realness to this blog post! Thank you I am some what new to this and my husband has decided he is ready to live healthier that means giving up his favorite foods he is not a veggie lover but he agreed to try.. I have to admit I know there are some adjustments where I cannot go 100% paleo or my husband might go in panic mode lol this is a big change for him so I decided 80% paleo is right for us.. Thanks for your post!!
Thank-you for that, I’m over 80% and needed to rid myself of the guilt!! Thank you very much