I love being a public blogger and having an active Facebook page. I love interacting with all of you! However, I understand that it may come off like I’m perfect. It’s easy for me to hide the mess on social media. So, let me just get this off my chest…I AM NOT PERFECT. In fact, I am nowhere near perfect. Yes, I make delicious meals for my family and snap pictures of them for all of you to see. Yes, I snap pictures of me and my kids playing together. Yes, I profess my love for my husband. One big, happy family, huh?
I am not perfect…
I clean my house once a week. I mop once a month. My house is dirty and there is dog hair everywhere. There is dried snot on the couch from one of the kids wiping their nose on it and boogers on the wall next to my daughter’s bed. Let’s not even discuss my son’s high chair. I am not perfect.
I rarely fold my family’s clothes. I let it pile up over several weeks and, eventually, my husband folds them. I feel guilty watching him because that’s “my job” as a mother and wife.
I yell at my kids. I get frustrated and scream. My 4-year-old looks at me like I’m the devil. I feel so un-perfect.
I put the TV on in the morning so I can enjoy my morning coffee. I sit down on the couch to drink it and baby brother brings me a book. I set it down and tell him “later”. I want to be alone in my coffee. Then I look at him trying to read it by himself and I feel it again…GUILT.
I drive-thru Chic-Fil-A, at least, once a week. ::GASP:: This is so not Paleo and I am such a bad mom for not having every, single meal planned out and perfected in health.
I set our family budget and then blow it. When I’m questioned about it I throw rapid fire because this is, once again, “my job” being questioned. “How dare you? Why don’t you try to make a budget and pay all the bills and then tell me how easy that is?!” I’m so defensive.
I have taken my kids to church just for the “free” childcare. This is so not perfect. God forgive me.
I let the kids run free in the house so that I can have “ME” time in the bathtub. When they ask to get in, I tell them it’s “mommy-time” and to let me have a few minutes by MYSELF. I get frustrated when they throw ponies and cars and choo-choos in the bathtub to get my attention.
I forget to feed my dogs some days.
I forget to feed myself.
I forget to feed my husband dinner when he get’s home from work late after the kids are already in bed. I’m sitting on the couch when he walks in…my “job” is over.
I forget to call my parents back.
I am too tired to have any kind of intimacy with my husband after “dealing” with my kids all day.
I need more “me-time”. I need more clothes. I need more fun with girlfriends. I need…I need…I need.
I need a life. I’m *just* a stay-at-home mom.
I feel overwhelmed with mommy guilt. I feel like a bad mom, a bad wife, a bad friend…a bad daughter.
But, you know what?
BUT I am enough…
I am enough for my kids. They don’t see the dirty floors. They won’t remember wearing clean or dirty clothes. They remember all the new places I took them in the mornings, instead of cleaning. I am enough. I clean enough.
I am not perfect. But I am more than enough for my kids. They adore me. They cling to me like hemorrhoids. They love me. They love me because I do read to them. And it’s ok for me to have my coffee in the morning, but it’s also ok for my son to sit on my lap while I drink my coffee. I am not perfect…but, boy, can I multi-task. I can drink my coffee, read a book, hold my son, and flip the pages without spilling my precious coffee. I am awesome.
I am enough for my family. I provide the healthiest food I can and I don’t always get it right. I fail…I fail A LOT. But, I am enough. They are healthy. I am healthy. We are blessed to have more than enough food at our fingertips. God is enough for us.
I am enough for my husband. I love him more than enough. I am defensive because I want to be perfect for him. I am jealous because I feel so un-perfect. But, my husband adores me. I am enough for him and he is enough for me.
I am enough for myself. I don’t have to live up to Pinterest. I don’t have to make cute napkins. I don’t have to have every holiday planned out with crafts and gifts and food and themes and new traditions. I am enough.
It’s not about me. It’s not about you.
YOU are enough. So, put down that mommy guilt and stop trying to live up to YOUR expectations. Being a mother is dirty…it’s gross…you catch vomit from your sick kids and poop from potty-training toddlers with your BARE hands. You cut 50 finger nails without cutting a one, and if you do, you know how to kiss it perfectly until the pain stops. You make cheap cake when you can’t afford to buy a “nice” one. You make forts out of pillows, fairy houses out of sticks. You decorate your walls with the writings of your kids…markings that remind you that these moments with them is short and fleeting. You know secret tickle spots and scars and dimples. You know how to tie your husbands tie and tie your little superhero’s cape. You can breastfeed your baby while walking through Target, pushing a cart, and trying on new clothes that may not fit like they used to. You can drive your car, hand your baby her binky, put on makeup, and sing songs with your kids ALL AT THE SAME TIME. You say words that heal…that smile…that bring a little bit more love into this changing world.
You make life happen!
You make everyday an adventure for your family. You are the glue.
You are beautiful to the bones. You are beautiful with your stretch marks, cellulite, and makeup-less face.
You make love happen.
YOU BIRTH LOVE and then feed it from your breasts.
You nurture. You nourish. You give the best and provide the best you can.
You pour out your life for your children. You kiss them perfectly and know how to sooth the deepest of pains.
You are spectacular.
You are enough.
You are more than enough.
Thank you for posting this. I actually needed this right now at this moment. Was dealing with mommy guilt and heard my email “ding” clicked and there was this post.
Things just happen like that. Maybe this was just for you, mama 🙂
What a great post!!
Ah. Like a breath of fresh air in the midst of my part-time-working-part-time-stay-at-home-never-doing-any-of-it-well-mom guilt this week/month. 🙂 Thank you!
gatheraroundthetable.wordpress.com
Amen sister!
Thank you is all I can say! It is so nice sometimes to just see other people say the words you have running around in your head. I am not a stay at home mom, but even though my job is chaos I often see it as a little mental break from the constant mommy, mommy, mommy and an interaction w adults. I feel guilty that I can’t be at home w them and I’m missing so much and I feel guilty for enjoying the peace and quiet at work. You really helped a lot of moms today with your post! Thank you for being real and honest!!
This is what I really needed today!! Reading the first half felt lie it came right from my brain and then the second half made me feel better, This also made me feel more normal knowing I’m not the only one who lets clean clothes pile up unfolded LOL Than you from the bottom of my heart for sharing!!!!
haha! my one handed typing made me laugh. I’m holding my sleeping 15 month old in my arms 🙂
In just a few paragraphs, you defined my life. Other than the fact I ended up leaving my husband when my kids were 7, 6 and 1. So I did it on my own. But my house was the same, I ran through so many drive-thru McDonalds — I can only imagine what I spent. I used to lock myself in the bathroom just to breathe — didn’t even use the facilities. Every time the phone rang all three of them were instantly on top of me. I spent the majority of every single phone call screaming at my kids for over a decade. My daily break wasn’t coffee but watching General Hospital. At that time of day, I didn’t care what my kids did … just please give me an hour of peace so I can get lost in Port Charles. The guilt was overwhelming at times.
Today, my oldest son works at the Pentagon and is aligning his career to run for an elected position. My second son is a director at a research firm and the baby, she’s heading off to college this summer – majoring in biomedical sciences and wants to be a clinical geneticist.
So you’re right, you are enough – regardless of a messy house, McDonalds, needing alone time and screaming while on the telephone — just being their mom, letting them know they are loved and giving them all the emotional support they needed during childhood will allow children to become well-rounded successful adults.
I believe living in a “sterile” environment sets expectations too high …
I love your blog.
K
I’m going into my second year as a single mom of two boys (12 and 9) and a 4 year old daughter. Reading your comments above gave me such hope “K”! Thank you for sharing!!!!
Awesome post. Thank you for writing this. I couldn’t agree more!
I SO needed this today, Jackie! A SAHM of 5, I often feel like I am not enough. Thanks for being a blessing in my life today!
I sooo relate to this. Thank you! Love to painting too.
I can totally relate! Great article Jackie 🙂 I needed that today! thanks 🙂
This is a wonderful and very true post that speaks so clearly to me and I thank you for the reminder that even on the days when I feel like a miserable failure…I am enough also. Thank you!
Thank you.
I have been having the worst day/week/month with nit being enough. I feel so pressured to be perfect and in my vain search everything is a mess. I am a SAHM of 4. I feel like I live in a zoo. Thank you for snapping me back into reality that this is my beautiful zoo. It is not perfect and that is ok. I really can not stress enough how perfect this post is or how it makes me feel. You put into words what no one wants to say. I am putting this in my favourites so the next time I am feeling guilty and unpretty I can read it.
This is my mommy security blanket.
Thank you for being a blessing today.
You’re welcome Elizabeth! I’m so glad you were touched by it. We all are doing our best and that is all that matters!
Wow! I am crying and kissing my babies. Perfect post to come to after I put on “the Little Mermaid” for my daughter while my son napped so I could write some blog posts. Mommy guilt! You are an amazing person and mother. I enjoy every post you write!
P.S. where did that fabulous painting come from….is that you? I am obsessed!!!
Kate
Thank you so much Kate. IT’s not me…I had my son in the bathtub…it’s a painting I saved and now I can’t find the name of the artist. If anyone knows the name of the artist, let me know. I would love to give credit to her. IT’s so beautiful…she has a whole line of birth paintings that bring tears to your eyes.
THank you! I found myself looking around thinking you had been in my house observing the dirt, dog hair, unfolded clothes that drive my husband crazy, dishes in the sink, kids in front of the tv while I try to get a shower…etc, etc. We are *just* stay at home moms but we are awesome!
Thank you for this post. This is the first time I have read any of your blog. I will be back. Your honesty is refreshing after the content bombardment of “perfect mom” on social media it is to easy to feel inadequate. I too am a cleen clothes pile maker, my middle son is sitting on it right now, so I understand that one in a big way. I hardly ever feel like rI am doing things right. But my kids are healthy, happy and thriving and my husband is awesome. So I guess I am enough. Thank you again.
Yes ma’am you are! My dogs love my clean laundry pile 🙂
Bravo!
Wow, this was great. I deal with “mommy guilt” a lot and I really needed to hear this, so thank you. I will be starting to follow your blog as it’s great!
Thank you!
Thank you for this post. It really hit home for me and had perfect timing.
I’m so glad to hear that! Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing yourself so freely, this was beautifully written. I’m not the only one who doesn’t fold the laundry! Thanks for reminding me that I don’t have to beat myself up about it. I’m only a few weeks into transitioning my family into the Paleo lifestyle, and the first things I’ve noticed is a lot of judgement and criticism! This post was so refreshingly honest and real it’s given me hope that I will find people that aren’t looking to criticize you but to support and motivate you! I love your blog and all the information you have so generously provided. I can’t wait to continue reading and will encourage you when I can too. If you ever start to feel guilty again, just let me know and I’ll send you a pic of my clean laundry pile 😉
Thank you Cortney!
Truth!
I’ve read it…and reread it and still get choked up! One of the most Beautiful things I’ve read in a long time. Saving to my “Favorites” <3
Thank you Meghan!
Beautifully, wonderfully said. I need to live like this!
thank you for the post and thanks to your readers for their comments. It is nice to have these moments where I know I am not alone in the Mommy Guilt; nor the only one with dirty floors (boy howdy are they!). I AM enough! The part where you mention your bath reminded me of this book: Five Minutes Peace https://www.amazon.com/Five-Minutes-Peace-Jill-Murphy/dp/0698117875 . I bought the book hoping that once we read it my son would understand that Mommy needs alone time. Or, at least, wants to use the toilet by herself. So far, no such luck in the alone time department but it is still a good read. Thanks You!
Hahah! I’ll have to read that! …maybe during my toilet time!
Thank you for this post. I love my boys, and make sure they know it every day. But I still feel the “mommy guilt” when I look around at home and see what I should have been working on when I was doing something for myself. This post helps put things into perspective……it helps you to realize what is truly important, and what can go to the side. You’ll eventually get to it.
exactly! We always do, eventually, get to it!
Wow! I am sitting here crying because I feel like such a horrible Mommy and wife because I have all these same issues and I have tremendous guilt from them all the time!!! But, this reminds me that I dont have to be perfect, as much as I want to be, and that no one else really is either. That I am enough!
Thank you so much, I really needed this!
I needed this right now!!! Thank you so much for posting this. This is what I do and believe. However I have a friend who makes me feel I fail because I do so. Lately I have been feeling guilty. I aprreciate your post so much.
What a great post! I definitely needed that this morning!
Thank you for this.
I’m curious about that painting of the birth. Did you paint that?
No…I finally found the source. Check out more of her paintings here: https://amandagreavette.blogspot.ca/p/paintings.html
I. Needed. THIS! Perfect timing.
What a wonderful post – thank you!
This is truly a beautiful post 🙂 thank you.
You don’t know how much I needed this today! I was feeling like such a parenting FAILURE! I’ve been dealing with a 4 1/2 y/o preschooler fighting with a (terrible) two y/o, while balancing an 8 mo old baby! I am completely emotionally and physically drained at the end of the day…which leaves nothing for my husband. I have no time for myself…I actually took myself outside to sit on the stoop this evening to just breathe some fresh air. Even while doing that, my two t/o was banging on the window screaming “maamaaa!” I try, and try, and try, and I just can’t seem to get it right! But I know they love me…when they are hurt, or scared, or tired, they want me, they snuggle me…so I guess in a way, I am enough! Thank you!
It’s hard mama! Be easy on yourself and realize these times are short and fleeting.
Great post! This sounds just.like.me! But you’re right, at the end of the day we are enough…even if it’s not perfect. As long as we do what’s best for our own family we will survive. The chord that really struck is the budgeting/bills…we do Dave Ramsey (or have attempted to for 5 years) and I feel so guilty for not getting it together and overspending on food 🙁 What’s a health-conscious mama to do? I don’t know, but if we have a support team, even in this blogging world, maybe we can all keep a bit of our sanity! Thanks for the inspiration and words of encouragement. You are a great mama and your family is blessed to have you 🙂
I did a post similar to yours:
https://crunchyhotmama.com/2013/01/11/i-am-not-superwoman/
We do Dave Ramsey too! We are almost debt free!
Cheers! Here’s to another perfectly imperfect mom! It makes me feel so good to know I’m not alone. Great post!
I needed this and didn’t even know it. Thank you honey from the bottom of my heart!!
You’re welcome 😉
ok, now I’m crying….really reeeealllyy needed to hear this today, seriously.
I knew there was a reason I shared it again…especially for you 😉
TEARS….TEARS,,,,and more TEARS! JUST what I needed RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT while I am in a funk of depression, guilt, sadness, and inadequacy as a SAHM to 4 precious children who hear me yell WAY to often and have learned such bad habits from me not having my anxiety/depression under control. Thank you. Can you write like this every day…haha! 🙂 Blessings!
We have all been there…don’t be so hard on yourself. Hugs to you mama!
More posts like these please!!! LOL Loving it.
Yes maam! More posts like these to come!
A girl after my own heart! I identified with 98% of this! Thank you, you are enough! I am enough!
Thank you Summer! Yes you are!
Thank you.
Every time I read this I am moved to tears. It is EXACTLY the same as what I see in myself and there is great comfort knowing I’m not the only one who feels like that. Thank you for sharing this personal part of yourself. It really made a big impact on many mommies and we all need the reminder that we are enough. Saving this to read over and over when then guilt train hits!
Thank you Becca <3
loved reading this. thanks for sharing. thanks for saying all the things some of us feel and wish we could say, but aren’t brave enough. you rock paleo mama! 🙂
Thank you for this. I really needed to read this today AND your post on being 80/20. I’ve been recently exploring Paleo for health issues and I’m still having a hard time with certain parts of it (I guess I’m doing a more primal thing – but really who cares about the label). My husband is a vegetarian who eats fish and our son who is three eats pretty much everything. While I’ve been giving him mostly whole foods and drastically reduced gluten, we still let him eat gluten on some weekends (not every weekend) and at birthday parties he can have the pizza and cake. While I’m working, my husband will sometimes take him out for bagels or cheese pies but opts for gluten free more often than not while we continue to keep things gluten free at home (with the exception of one loaf of sourdough bread in the fridge). It’s so difficult to not think I’m doing something wrong especially with all the people who will tell you “yes you are.” I’m tired of feeling so anxious over it and worrying about it every single second. My 3 year old will gladly eat his veggies and pot roast and curried short ribs. I have to think that I am doing something right!
I am crying. Really crying. Perfect timing. Thank you.
This is why I love following your blog, your life! You are one of the realist women I know! I love you for that! Thank you! All of us mother’s are in this think called “life” together and we’re doing the best we can. God Bless you! You’re doing a fabulous job! 🙂
Excellent…I WISH I could drive through Chick Fil A! But we have allergic reactions to anything artificial…. so that easy day isn’t even an option…. kind of jealous for those that can do it. But this is a great post. Thanks so much!
Love this post! I am not perfect but I am enough. I need to repeat that to myself over and over!
So happy that I came across this page and those words at this point in time.
It is so hard to get away from the Mom Guilt I feel all the time that other peoples homes are cleaner
kids look happier and are going more places. It was good to realize that to each their own and
that my son thinks I am more than enough. He forgives. He loves me as I am, and the cleanliness
of the house or quality of dinner isn’t his main focus. Time together is. Thank you for
refocusing me on my priorities and realizing that I am enough. Everyone needs a reminder now and again.
Thank you. Hope you have a great weekend.