Hi everyone! I’m Jackie, a city girl turned farm girl. I grew up in Orlando, Florida and all my life had a calling for living on a farm. I would run into farmers and tell them that my dream was to have a farm. They would look at me like I was crazy and say, “I didn’t know people dreamed of doing this.”
So, after years of dreaming of having a farm, we finally made it a reality! Three weeks ago we moved to the mountains of Western North Carolina to fulfill our farming and homesteading dreams. One of the first things I did, even before we moved to North Carolina, was look for a goat. I wanted to be able to have fresh milk every day. So, I bought a goat. I bought two goats.
We moved to North Carolina, ditched our sleek, sedan, pimped out Altima and bought a old, cornflour blue, pickup truck. We hopped into our new “ride” to pick up our goats. The kids sat, excitedly, in the back seat and we arrived at our destination. “Ok…now what?” Ummm, ok…the big mama goat got shoved into a dog kennel in the truck bed…and I’m talking SHOVED. Poor thing. The (not-so) baby goat sat ON MY LAP in the front seat. “Helloooooo goat”.
So, here we are, a family from the city that just moved into the country and we are driving in a 21 year old pickup truck with 2 goats that are bleating incredibly loud! “Oh what a dream.” One is pooping in the dog kennel, the other is trying to climb into the driver seat, and my husband is getting hit on by a local redneck woman driving next to us. “Hello, I’m the wife and, yes, we those are goats. Hot, right?” The kids had no idea what to think. But we arrived home safely, tucked the goats into their new barn, and said goodnight till the morning.
Oh the day has finally come! Oh sweet morning! I have dreamed of this for years…milking my beautiful goat out in the mountain breeze; pumping fresh, warm milk into a shiny new bucket. I jump up from bed at around 4am, I just couldn’t sleep. Let’s do this. I washed and sanitized the bucket as all the articles had said, and I set out to milk my new goat. As I walk out into the cool air in my new rubber boots carrying my shiny, new bucket, the thoughts of chèvre, feta cheese, and goat milk ice cream dance in my head.
Into the barn I go. I prepare the milk stand that my husband, so graciously built, for me. Then call Sophie, the mama, to the stand. She doesn’t move. She stares me down. “Oh, Sophie, come on you old goat. I’m your new owner…I know you got some delicious milk for me.” I, literally, have to drag her to the milk stand. It’s almost abusive. My desire for milk is becoming squashed by a stubborn goat. “Oh, no Sophie, I will get some milk. Don’t spoil my dream.“What is her problem? I bribe her to the stand with grains. Up she goes and I lock her head in. Ok, here we go.
What in the world am I doing? Am I really about to milk a goat? One look at those hairy teats and I about lose it. Oh city-girl Jackie…where am I again? Some old farmhouse milking a goat…my mother is probably dying laughing at the thought of this.
I grab my homemade, organic, udder wash for Sophie and go for it. Get them teats all nice and clean. Clean teats make clean milk. Thank God I was by myself. It took me almost 10 minutes to clean them teats. Sophie was almost done with her food. “NOoooo, slow down, I still have to milk you.”
Alright, here we go….I grab my shiny silver bucket and give her teats a squeeze. Nothing. Ok, let’s try this again. Squeeeeeze. Sophie about jumps a mile high. Sorry girl. I’ll get this. I squeeze again and I shoot myself in the neck with milk. At least there’s milk! All I can think about is all the times I spent milking myself!
“Do her teats feel like my nipples did?” God, I sure hope not. I aim, set, and fire away…I’m doing it with two hands. “Look at me, twooooo hands!!!” As soon as I start getting it, Sophie steps in the nice, new, shiny, clean bucket and my heart sinks. “Are those poop particles floating around in there now? Shoot, I guess I can’t use this milk.” I leave the goat strapped into the milk stand and run in to get another bucket to use. I come back and get back into my rythym. Squeeze, aim, and fire away. Sophie wiggles and squirms and kicks me over and over again. “WHAT????”
She squats and an enormous amount of pee comes out. Really? Is this really happening? A goat is, literally, peeing on me.
I clean the table…then I clean her udder again. “I want some friggin milk.” Squeeze, aim, fire…squeeze, aim, fire. The sound of milk hits the bucket and I smile. I am here…no longer a dream. I’m milking a goat…my goat. So beautiful!
“OMG what is eff is that falling from the sky???” The sound of a million little goat turds hit the table. I back away and look at the goat. How could she disgrace herself like that?
I clean the table again…then her udder AGAIN…and she kicks me over and over. I manage to get about 3 tablespoons of milk that morning. Whew…what to do with 3 tablespoons of milk?
Thankfully, Sophie and I have an understanding now. I let her poop and pee before bringing her to the milk stand and she gives me almost a half gallon of milk every morning.
shared on : Prairie Homestead
This is awesome!!! I want this someday sooo much! I imagine my first milking experience will be similar and I’ll certainly think of you haha 🙂 Looking forward to many more stories!
I love this post! I wish I could do something like this, but Hubby just isn’t buying into the dream. It’s great to read about the experiences of those who can do this!
I just love your goat milking story thank you
LOL! Love it! I personally love that the font you chose for the lead photo is so halloween-tastic. Goes with the ghoulish tendencies of goats. 🙂 But no, it looks like you guys are doing famously…that is such a sweet photo of a goat kiss!
Do we get fencing stories next?? 🙂
Haha!!! Not sure about that Erin!!!
Glad it all worked out well in the end. I did a similar post earlier this spring. There’s always an adjustment period, whether you’re milking first freshener, who has NO idea what you’re trying to accomplish back there, or a seasoned milker with a new owner that she’s not used to. Milking is rarely as simply as walking up and squeezing a teat 😉 Fortunately, most goats are willing to forgive learning curves, and ultimately work with us, even if it takes a few buckets of spilled milk to get there! It’s all part of the joy of owning goats!
So true! What is the link to your post? I’d love to read it!!!
Thankyou, I so needed a laugh today.
We are in the process of putting in an offer on the homestead we want. I was a country girl in my youth but have become very city styled in the last 20 years so I am a tad scared of the possibilities. The first thing on my list of acquisitions is a goat or two as my children and I are all dairy intolerant. I’m sure I’ll do exactly the same thing, at least I know I’m not alone!!!!
Loved your blog, made me laugh out loud. I am a city girl named Jackye and am a backyard famer. I would live to get goats but it is not practical for our property. I do have a garden and 6 chickens and 5 rabbits so will have to settle for that for now
Thank you Jackye!!!
Loved it! Had the same dream, left Central FL also but only headed to N FL 13 years ago. I was fortunate to have a friend with goats who helped me learn a lot before we got to our property. She gifted us with one pregnant goat and well 13 years and many kids, gallons of milk, yogurt and cheese later we love it. Enjoy your new country life, it is so worth it!
Awwww!!! I can’t wait for cheese!! How do you like to make it? Do you have a favorite recipe?
This was soooo me 4 yrs ago. I have 4 goats and love them all. My first yr working with them was pretty close to your story! This article reminded me of those days. I can honestly say that it was well worth the agony to now have my milk and cheeses that my family enjoys! I think the article I could add was my first experience trimming my goats hooves. I think I learned how to do that standing on my head!
Thank you for reminding me of how hard it was. it was so easy to forget! 🙂
Oh gosh Robin! I’m dreading the hooves!!!!
I really enjoyed reading this post. I was born in Bangkok,Thailand and never had any farming experience. Well, to make a long story short, I married a farmer’s daughter ( she wasn’t living on the farm when we met) and we have moved back to her family farm after her parents passed. It has been a learning experience to say the least. I look forward to reading more about your family’s adventures on the farm.
I lived in Thailand for a year! Love it!!! Have fun with your new adventures!
We had a goat tin Southeast Texas, right next to the Big Thicket, so we were out in the woods for sure. She milked fine, but she insisted on sitting on my husband’s lap while being milked. She made excellent milk out of the various thorny, brushy, obnoxious weedy shrubs and bushes we hoped to get rid of, so it was a small price to pay.
I so enjoyed your story. I can relate. We are farming for just three years and my bottle – fed hand raised Holstein heifer calved just about two weeks ago. I had the blessing of learning to milk a friend’s cow before mine so I had an idea of what to expect and do. The big difference is that I am training my heifer to milk, me the no previous milk training experience Jersey girl. I am believing that my family’s dairy genes are coming to the forefront. Anyway I applaud your decision to start farming. It’s been a lot of learning, laughing and work but it is such a blessing. There is such a deep seeded connection to all of this. Share your stories often, there are more friends and family than you realize who will live the dream through you. Farm stories are the best! Milk on!
This made me laugh forever. We milk goats. Luckily mine were much more cooperative! People think we’re crazy but its worth it!
This made me laugh so hard I cried! We have a ff Apline that is due really soon and this will be so……. us. She is used to the stand and eating her food there, but does the little “don’t touch me” dance with my husband and she is better with me. I will remember that others have gone through funny situations and hopefully get it done (milking) with 3 tablespoons of milk. Blessing if it is more LOL
I literally laughed out loud at the poop falling from the sky part. I so relate to this post! I just got my own goats this last week and can’t wait to breed them this fall. Babies and milk this spring!
If it helps, my first milking went EXACTLY like this. She peed and pooped right into the bucket (how convenient). When I took my first squeeze, both feet went straight up into the air and into the milking bucket. Oh, and then there was the gas. Took a shot right to the face.