I can sometimes close my eyes and smell my childhood. It smells like freshly raked leaves, chlorine on my bathing suit, sweat that lingers on my skin, and freshly popped cheesy popcorn.
It tastes like Oatmeal Cream Pies, tacos on a Saturday night, and hose water.
I treasure the childhood I had. I spent summer days riding bikes with my sister, Dinah, to faraway lands and magical “secret” places that only we knew about. My sister treasured it too. Five days before the worst day of my life, she wrote a short story for college about a time when we were playing hide-and-seek as kids. She must have treasured it as much as me, for no one can ever take these moments in time away.
I am the middle child. I am the free spirt. My mom sings, “I Hope You Dance” over me because she says the words remind her of me. I’m my Daddy’s little girl. I hold his hand in mine even when my teenage friends could see. I walk with pride standing next to my big brother. He’s huge. Standing at over 6’6″, he stares into the eyes of boys and frightens them away. I smile at him because I’d rather hang out with him, then stupid boys. My sister was always my best friend. We loved hard and we fought even harder. Yet, at the end of the day when we layed down in our beds that shared a room, we always said:
“I’m sorry if I’ve done anything wrong.”
“I forgive you.”
” I’m sorry if I’ve done anything wrong too.”
Every. Single. Night. We didn’t want to die and go to hell for unforgiven sins.
Sometimes we had a line dividing up our bedroom. Other times we slept in the same bed when outside terrors scared us.
Eventually we grew up.
I started college, then became involved in church ministry. Soon, I left for Australia, then to Thailand for a year of missionary work. My passion became showing women how beautiful they are. Thailand changed me forever. I talked to prostitutes and taught them English. I helped a center that gave them a chance to come out of prostitution by choosing to learn a trade. I bought them out of bars for a night of fun and feasting.
Life became hard there by myself. I came home.
I went to massage school and became a licensed massage therapist and worked on completing my bachelors degree.
During this time I met and married the man of my dreams who I met in the most unique way…online! He, since, has given me two beautiful children and fulfilled my greatest purpose in life of being a mother.
Now I am reliving my childhood through my two children. Nothing could be better than the life I have now. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been easy. Some of you know the missing part of my testimony. One year ago I lost my best friend, my sister. She made the impulsive decision to end her life the day after her boyfriend was killed in an automobile accident. By just admitting this, I feel like I have to defend her honor. I wonder when that will go away?
Her death shattered my perfect, little world and questioned all I believed in God.
It’s been a year since her death and life is changing once again. We are eagerly anticipating getting out of the military and moving back home to establish our roots close to our families. Life is good for my little family. With each boo-boo that I kiss, each diaper that I change, and each word that I speak to my children, I remember how critical the present is.
I remember to kiss my husband deeply everyday.
I remember to tell my parents how much I love them.
I remember that life is too short to have fake friends.
I remember that no matter what God is still good and still my God.
I remember that if my kids adore me, then I have successfully been the mother that my mother was.
For this life is my story.
Jackie your words make me cry in the most joyous way immaginable. Not because I knew you when you were a little girl but because of the immense love you have for everyone. I know that children will keep you young no matter how old they get or you yourself get. Keep up the great work you do with your family and the other lives you touch.
Oh thank you Marie! I’m so glad to be a part of your life again after all these years!
I am so sad for your loss of your sister. My brother committed suicide just over 20 years ago. I can say that the pain never goes away but it does become more bearable. The way I choose to honor him is to take all his wonderful qualities and try to incorporate them in my life. I hope this helps you too. Hugs.
Thank you Carolyn! So much of my sister is wrapped up in me and I treasure each of those qualities deeply
Very touching story. I’m the middle child as well. Although I can’t imagine what you’ve been through with losing your best friend and sister, you seem like a wonderful mom blessed with an amazing family.
I recently went paleo (starting with Whole30-about 41 days ago) Your FB posts inspire me! Through your words, you are helping others!
Thank you so much for your kind words and congrats on your Whole30 which is an amazing program! Keep up the hard work!!! It all is so worth it!
Wonderful life story!!
Thanks Vernetta! I’m happy to share this journey with you!
Jackie, your life story is so touching. Thank you for sharing, you are an inspiration and your journey is strength to those who have had a similar lost. You have a beautiful family. God bless you!
Thank you so much Margarita!
Simply yet evocatively expressed. Lovely to havefound your blog.
Thank you Miranda! I’m honored to have you here!
What a lovely post. Made me cry! I am completely new to this way of eating and in the research stage. I had to give up wheat last spring, but now I think I’m ready to take the next step. Your list of favourite recipes has already inspired me. Thank you, and you have a beautiful family!
Thank you so much Linda! Let me know which recipes you try!
Beautiful. I lost my sister, who was my best friend, just over 7 years ago. I can relate to your post, and I thank you for sharing. This is the first time I’ve visited your blog and am looking forward to reading more.
Interesting that you posted on my birthday. 🙂
I am so sorry for your loss, Ginny. I hope you had a great birthday!! Thanks for stopping by!
Wow, you are so inspiring to me! Keep up the good work!
Thank you Michele!
Thank you for sharing your story. I came to your post by way of Paleo Parents and your post on Affording Paleo. I know you are taking the summer off which I find encouraging. I have been praying about starting a blog but am afraid of not always having the time with three kids under 6 and one on the way but I’m encouraged to know it’s not a commitment that is beyond my control and you can take breaks ;D God Bless you and your family. I’m sorry to hear about your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I look forward to reading and learning from your previous posts. I loved the Affording Paleo blog, thank you for sharing your wisdom and advice.