You took another this week. You must be proud. Well, guess what, I hate you. I hate you with every bone and ounce of blood in my body. You destroy. You rip lives apart. You steal truth and implant lies. You’re a coward. You’re scum. I hate what you do. I hate everything about you.
You wait; you linger; you hunt. I know your game. I know your way. I know what you do when you whisper, tempt and lead them astray. You make them think that death will ease their pain and that this is the only way. You creep right in, and then make your play.
You sit in the background and articulate your scheme. You choose the hopeless, the depressed, and those with low self-esteem. You choose the waiter, the plumber, the stay-at-home-mom. You take the preacher, the truck driver, the rich and the poor. You take them all with you with your bite and your sting.
You laugh at their weakness. You thrive on their pain. You ruin so many lives that this has just become a game. How do you think this will end? Do you think that you can get them all? Do you think that all of us are going to take your fall?
You see, you took my sister and for that you are going to pay. It doesn’t end pretty. It doesn’t end today. Let me tell you something, this “game” that you play, won’t go on forever. No, you won’t get them all. You won’t win. I’ve got the Eight ball.
Your lies, deception, depression will end. You think you’re on a roll. You think you can snag every soul with your snare. I know you don’t want to hear this, but this doesn’t end well for you. You see, there is Someone stronger, Someone smarter, Someone more powerful than you.
He tells me He will save us from your snare, from your pestilence, from your death. He tells me He will cover us with His feathers. He will protect us, shield us, and save us. He promises life. He promises hope. He promises to save us from your hanging rope.
I hate you, suicide. I hate you, I do. I’ll hate you forever…till the day that you are through and my King stomps all over you.
I hate suicide too. I hate that she’s not here anymore. I hate what suicide has done to her, to you her family, and her friends who still have an empty place where she once lived. I hate–and love–that nothing will ever fill that place.
I love that God has the last word. I love that He has planned for us to see her again. I love that she was even in my life at all. I am never the same since Dinah was my friend. Not one person could ever fill her space.
I hate that she was stolen from our lives.
I love that I can believe that it all ends well and this is not the end.
Keep sharing your thoughts. I pray that God continues to bring grace and healing to you.
Oh Jevon I feel so much the same. The emptiness from her being gone will linger on forever. Time won’t heal this…it will only make it easier. I’ll miss her till the day I can wrap my arms around her again.
Wow. That’s all I can say at the moment.
This is a powerful post. Powerful in the way you express your emtions, powerful in the words you speak into a dark situation, but most of all powerful in the way you proclaim God’s truth. Thank you for expressing your grief so eloquently.
This is mindblowingly powerful. I cannot even begin. Your post took me back four years ago to when I tried to do exactly that in my kitchen after school one night and was caught by my younger sister before I had the chance. The next day my father taught me how to start an exercise regimen to feel better about my epilepsy since I couldn’t do any sports. I researched on how to improve exercise and discovered that I needed to be eating much healthier and cleaner to lose weight and feel stronger, and after losing more than thirty pounds I can now say that I kicked suicide in the freaking ass! I’ll admit that sometimes I feel worthless that I just want to die and trap myself but the next day is another chance.
Next I just want to say I am so, so sorry for your loss. Your sister would be so proud of you for not only writing this post but just following your dreams and running the successful blog you do today. God bless. <3
Thank you so much for your reply. It’s so wonderful to hear how far away from that terrible moment you have journeyed. You are truly inspirational to me and to others.